Every so often Christians will challenge atheists to turn to god, to at least try it. I’ve even heard it presented as trying like a scientific experiment.

When this challenge is directed at me personally, my response is that I’ve been there, done that, and got nothing. Absolutely nothing. If there’s a god, then he more than failed me, he ignored me.

While I never turned that verse around the way that the Nakedpastor does in the picture, I spent quite a bit of time during my periods of doubt begging god to restore my faith. This lasted for months, no it was a few years, but it was most fervent over the last few months as the last shreds of faith were slipping through my fingers. I would beg for god to give me faith during prayers in my room, in the seminary chapel, while fasting, at the beach, hanging off the edge of a cliff (while repelling), at the Western Wall and other places in Jerusalem, even in Cancun while I was trying to preach an evangelistic series before I finally called it quits. In case someone misunderstands why I listed these various places, it’s not that I thought my prayers would be any more effective at any of them, those places help frame in my mind the time span and show how important it was to me.

I’ve heard it said that the text book definition of insanity is to keep trying the same thing while expecting different results. That is exactly what I was doing. My doubt was literally driving me insane.

I finally reached the point where I had to try something different. I gave it all up. My life since then has been so much better than it ever was before. Maybe next time I’ll suggest the Christian I’m talking to give atheism a try.