One theological doctrine I always struggled with when I was a Christian was the trinity. It’s the Christian belief that God is in three different “persons” but they are one substance. They are simultaneously three and one. Out of all the different Christian doctrines, this would have to be the most internally illogical since everything else tends to be logically consistent as long as you don’t look outside of it, but with the trinity, no matter how you look at it, three does not equal one.

Invariably theologians and pastors alike resort to metaphors. One that is currently popular (or at least was a few years ago) is to look at the trinity like the three states of water: solid, liquid, and gas. It’s all the same substance, but in each state it is functionally completely different than in the other states. The inherent weakness of this metaphor is that water does not typically exist in all three states simultaneously and in any circumstance where it could it would be highly unstable, which brings us to the “metaphor” that I think fits better.

The Christian god is crazy. To be specific, he suffers from dissociate personality disorder (aka multiple personalities) and he’s also a bit of a sociopath. This shouldn’t be surprising since an eternity of loneliness before starting to create the universe a few thousand years ago would be enough to drive even the most divine among us insane. Add on top of that all the senseless killing. To directly wipe out all but a few members of the species on one occasion and destroy two cities on another, then to order mass genocide on countless occasions would be quite psychologically damaging. That’s not even taking into account all the plagues and tests of his “chosen” people.

It’s no wonder that he finally reached the point where he felt the need to commit suicide. Unfortunately to do it he had to take human form and the final straw that broke the last shred of sanity in his feeble mind was raping his own teenage mother. That one event was just too much to bear, so to cope, it required splitting off the part of his mind that viewed her as mom from the rest and to make sure it never happened again, he created another personality to interact with the earth so he wouldn’t have to put us in harms way.

Oh, and the whole salvation thing, it’s just a cover for the suicide attempt. Much less embarrassing and shifts all the blame.