I should probably do a partial retraction of my scam rant. For the record, I do think that people who spread a message they do not believe to be true are scammers, but I know its not that simple.

Life is often not simple, and that is often something I forget, in part because I like it to keep it simple. I am single (but I wouldn’t mind being in the right relationship), I have no children (but I would be OK with that changing at some point down the road, way down the road), I have a secure job, I have a freethought group of which I am a co-organizer, and I have this blog. When things get too complicated, I run, and I always have.

At the time I left the seminary I was single, with no children, an underpaid part time job on campus as a student dean in the dormitories, and no conference sponsoring me. For me to leave the faith meant leaving behind some friends a year and a half sooner than I would have otherwise and finding a job. I was not making a living wage, I was sinking in debt from student loans, I did not have family that would abandon me, and I did not have a wife that would divorce me or children that I would loose custody of. Personally there was definitely loss, but financially it was advantageous.

A simple life does not come without its costs. I spent much of my higher education suffering with severe doubt. Fortunately I recognized the impact that it would have on a relationship. After all, I was preparing to be a minister and any woman that would date me was at least open to the prospect of being a pastor’s wife and would surely not stick with me if I left the faith. During my periods of stronger doubt I didn’t date, at all. During my periods of faith I would go on the occasional date and I did have one girlfriend for a month but before we had any commitment I did warn her about the struggles with doubt that I had up to that point and that they might come back. That’s right, during my four years of college and one year of grad school I was single for all but one month. It was lonely, but it was worth it. Even now, I tell women I’m an atheist and blogger on the first date, if not sooner. If it’s going to be a deal breaker then I don’t want to waste my time.

I have had contact with a few people who are closet atheists living life as active members of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. You can read the comment from one here. In two cases they are married and have children. They also recognize the overwhelming probability that coming out as atheists would result in divorces. That just sucks. I couldn’t imagine having to live a lie to keep a family intact, but I am well aware that having children changes everything. In my case I didn’t have to worry about that, so it was relatively easy to walk away from my hypocrisy. Fortunately there is support for those who find themselves in that situation, as Craig Scarberry has found out.

There is also the aspect that for people working for a church, the ones that I called “despicable, cowardly scam artists,” that they would face the horrible prospects of having to find a new job in this economy. The job market wasn’t great when I quit the seminary, but the economy hadn’t completely collapsed yet. Today it would be very difficult to find a job with say 10 years of work experience as a pastor and a M.Div.

I don’t have all the answers, but I am defiantly available for people who find themselves trapped. What ever the situation, I can relate to at least part of it. So anyone in this kind of situation can feel free to email me, I would love to help, even if all you need is another atheist to talk to. I can also help people find local resources in the freethought community. I may not be one of the most prominent atheists out there, but by the time you get to the “friend of a friend” level I could get you in touch with someone who can help.

I do however still think that all atheists should be out of the closet and open about who they are and what they do and don’t believe. But this is the real world and those of us who are single and financially independent have a responsibility to go first and help lead the way in gaining social acceptance for non-believers. By doing this we can make it easier for those who are trapped to find a way out.