Last Friday I went to a presentation hosted by the Boise State University Secular Student Alliance featuring Dan Barker, Co-President of the Freedom from Religion Foundation.
He was a preacher and evangelist for 19 years, answering God’s call at the young age of 15. At one point, his ministry took a turn towards music and he ended up writing several very popular holiday and VBS music programs. With the turn towards music, he found himself performing and preaching at churches outside of his own Pentecostal tradition, something that brought him in contact with more liberal theology than he was used to.
Eventually he found himself to be an atheist preaching a message he no longer believed and it took him a while to finally quit. Shortly after that he and his wife got a divorce. Of course, one thing he said was the cliche, “Once a preacher, always a preacher,” something that I finally realized that I resonate with (hence the blog). If anyone had anything to fear from doubt, it was Dan Barker.
A lot of people are terrified when they begin to doubt their faith. Losing salvation (or going to hell) is bad enough, but what about in this world? Those who lose their faith also risk rejection from friends and family, losing their community, losing their jobs (hopefully only if they work for a religious organization), and having to find a new career path. It’s the risk of complete personal and financial devastation.
Wow, I sure am painting a grim picture here, and to think that I’m trying to help people avoid fear…
I would not be honest if I didn’t say that there is a lot to be afraid of, but what’s more important than the truth? I have a hard time thinking that any genuine Christian could think that anything you might lose would be worth living a lie. Yes it’s is hard. It is a painful exhausting experience that is is filled with personal and professional risk. But isn’t the truth worth it?
Hell
There is a concept that is popular in most Christian denominations that has no basis in scripture and finds its real roots in ancient Greek thought, that is the concept of an immaterial and immortal soul that will spend an eternity in hell if you aren’t saved. Considering that an honest following of the evidence could easily leave you outside of salvation, this is the most sick and twisted scare tactic imaginable. Any capricious asshole who would torture people forever because they used their brains to try to find the truth would not be worthy of worship or praise. Dispense with this fear first. One benefit of my Adventist past is that I never had to worry about this fear.
Morality
Many people think that the only thing keeping them from a rampage of rape and murder is their faith. If you have this fear, then think about whether or not you have to constantly pray to keep from your blood lust. I’m guessing the answer is no, if this is the case, then you have nothing to worry about.
Friends and family
Yes, you will lose friends and it very well may strain family relationships. But I ask, are those whom you might lose worth it? Someone who ends a friendship over a difference of belief is no true friend. Family who would ostracise you over a loss of faith would be people who don’t really love you. True unconditional love cannot be broken over petty differences.
Where is gets harder is with romantic relationships. If you are married, then odds are pretty good that unless your spouse is on the journey of doubt with you that you will face a divorce if you find yourself outside of the faith. But is a marriage based on fear and lies worth it?
If you are fortunate to be single, or at least not in a serious relationship when dealing with a crisis of doubt, then keep it that way. When my doubts were strongest I didn’t do any dating. When they were weaker I still didn’t put much effort into it and the one time in that mess that I had a girlfriend I was open with her very early on about it. Losing your faith is complicated enough, don’t add to it.
Community
Most people find community in their faith group. For Adventists and Mormons this is a bit exaggerated. Losing your community is hard, replacing it is hard, and navigating the foreign feeling secular world for the first time is difficult. For this all I can say is it gets better. There are a number of Recovering Religionist groups around the country and there are plenty of atheist and freethough groups out there that would gladly welcome recent deconverts.
Career
If you’re job is tied to your faith, for example as a pastor or other denominational employee, or if you’re studying for the ministry then losing your faith will mean losing your career. That is terrifying, especially in this job market. However, even pastors have marketable job skills. I have found that a number of classes I had are useful for me as a manager, so play up the interpersonal skills and leadership training that comes with professional ministry.
Unfortunately the job hunt will take longer and will be harder since there will be those who will dismiss you for being too religious or assume that you lost your faith. If that gets to be too much, find a good secular nonprofit, they would be more likely to find value from your skills and if its the right one, they may be more likely to give a chance to a recent deconvert.
Beyond that, all I have to say to calm the fear of someone struggling with doubt is it gets better. Next week, we’ll discuss how the truth will set you free.