Today we have a guest post from a 17 year old Adventist high school student. Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch, it’s something I wrote for a class at my Adventist school when I was 17. The assignment was to write a position paper, but I decided to have some fun with it. For the record, it is and was satire but it is also biblically sound. So here it is:

The problem with the world is women. They are the root of evil, but fortunately for survival of the human race, men seem to be happier and healthier with them.

Sin as we know it, here on planet earth, all began when Eve took the fruit from the serpent. Had she not done so, sin wouldn’t have taken hold, at least not that soon. But was she content with keeping it to herself? No. Eve decided that she needed to drag Adam down with her and she took some fruit to share with him. Adam is the innocent victim in this tragedy. He’s minding his own business, maybe even naming some more animals. Then, Eve comes home with lunch. Sounds like something she did for him out of love, but was it?

Now we get to the other side of the problem, the fundamental weakness of men. It started with Adam. Men are compelled to give in to women. Eve said something like, “Look at this beautiful fruit. It may have come from that one tree we aren’t supposed to eat from, but it does great things. Now I’m like God,” and now the tricky part: “If you love me, you’ll eat it.” There were some key elements there: she made it look good, made some wild claims about how great it was, then she played with his emotions with the “If you love me” part. As we all know, Adam ate the fruit and the human race was damned by sin.

Another example from the Bible is Abraham. Sara felt bad about letting her husband down by not having any kids for him, so she suggested that Abraham have sex with Hagar. The big problem here is she told him to do something that involved sex, another weakness of men. When you combine that with her most likely trying to make him feel guilty about it, you have a combination that very few men can stand up to. Next thing they knew, Hagar was pregnant and Sara got jealous. Then she got mad at Abraham for the whole thing. She suggested that he get rid of Hagar and her son. Abraham, once again, gave in. All he was really trying to do was keep some peace in the house, so he told her she could do what she wanted with them. So she sent them off out into the wilderness. Three thousand years later people are still paying the consequences. In Palestine, the descendants of Abraham’s two sons are still fighting. This is a prime example of women leading men astray.

Abraham’s nephew, Lot, was also taken advantage of by his own two daughters. They decided that they would get their father drunk and have sex with him. That’s just gross. Their sons and their descendants also didn’t get along with the Israelites, and still don’t.

King David was the ruler of the most powerful kingdom around and it had gained its strength under his reign. As he was surveying his city he saw a beautiful woman bathing. I’m not trying to excuse his actions, but shouldn’t she have been bathing in private? We all know what happened next. She got pregnant and he had to kill her husband, one of his most loyal soldiers.

Another king about nine hundred years later was tempted by a beautiful woman. Herod the Great was asked by his wife to kill John the Baptist, but he refused. Then her daughter danced for Herod and some of his friends. They all liked what they saw, so Herod offered to give her anything she wanted. She asked her mother for advice and then came back with the request of the head of John the Baptist. Herod had promised it, so he had to do it. He had been weakened by the power of a woman.

These examples are from two to six thousand years ago, a time when women had no rights. They were considered property. Now they are “equal” to men. Just imagine what kind of problems they must be causing now.

There are many more stories found in the Bible, other literature, and current events about how women have taken advantage of men. Solomon warns about it in Proverbs, but even he fell to the temptation that his wives brought to him. Some say that “women are the devil,” others think that they are just evil. I think that women are the devil’s most powerful agent in deceiving men. In their defence, the human race would die out with out them, and they do enrich our lives, but they also bring lots of pain and suffering.