Growing up in the Adventist church the number 666 and the Mark of the Beast were the popular topics you would expect from a relatively mainstream apocalyptic sect, although not as much as normal in the congregation my family attended. Since Adventist eschatology includes a belief that God’s grace will be withdrawn from the earth at the end times and all believers will have to stand before God without a mediator, it has a tendency to produce some staunch legalism if world events include enough “signs of the times” for the loonies to latch onto. The church my family went to was one for people who were burned out on the legalism of the 1980s, so they didn’t talk about the normal stuff much. School, church publications, and anything involving more of the denomination at large was a different story.

Every few years we would have a conference evangelist come to town to deliver a rousing series (read – factual errors, emotional appeals, and fear mongering). One thing that was interesting was each one was sure that Christ would return within 10 years, they would also scour through the media to find what new technology would best fit for the Mark of the Beast. Specifically they were looking for the biblical description of being placed on the hand or forehead and Ellen White’s description of being required for commerce. In the mid-1990’s it was it was tattooed bar codes, then it was credit cards, then national ID cards, then it moved on to RFID chips in your hand. They were over thinking it and as a result they missed the boat.

Have no fear, because I have uncovered the sinister plot and discovered the true mark of the beast. To be honest, I’m quite excited about the convenience of it. The really cool thing is that everybody already has it, even if it hasn’t been registered yet.

Evil scientists are developing a database and associated smart phone apps and cash register additions that will render cash, credit cards, drivers licenses, passports, and anything else that would be used for identification or commerce obsolete: retinal scans. Everyone’s is unique, so no risk of identity theft. You always have it, so no need for carrying around a wallet. Grocery stores will have a eye scanner so they can take the money out of your account, cops will just have to scan your eye with their phones to get all of your drivers license information as well as any global warrants (part of the New World Order), even going to a bar wouldn’t require ID because the bouncer or bartender could just do age verification with your retina. For added security the data points they read will be converted into numbers, the sum of which must be 666, otherwise it will be clear that someone made a false record in the cloud. For added security and to prevent people from walking around an charging people without their knowledge, you’ll just have to add a thumb print to mark your approval.

After you’ve all thanked me for discovering this, you have a choice. You can either embrace the mark for all its goodness, or you can follow Jesus’ teachings. If your eye offends you, gouge it out, right? If your eye and your thumb are the mark of the beast then you must gouge out your eyes and chop of your thumbs! Then people will know the true followers of Christ.

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This is dwnomad’s blogpost #666!