I hear it’s Lent, so while the Catholic faithful are giving up something for their lord and savior, what can we, the godless hoard give up?

Moderation – All things in moderation, right? It’s a wonderful thing and generally makes you feel good, so if the point of Lent is to suffer, then let’s give up moderation.

Just imagine the pain and agony you’d experience after 40 days of bacon in every meal, chocolate every hour, and spending the whole time drunk! For the atheists who are fortunate enough to be employed, then there’s always just getting smashed every night and suffering through a hangover every day, you know, along with the bacon and chocolate. Then if your boss gives you crap about your hangovers, just let him know it’s for your pious Lentine suffering.

Accommodationalism – Even the most strident and outspoken atheist ass hole can be a bit accommodating at times, after all it’s necessary to survive in society. For Lent, you can let your inner douche show for 40 days! If you see someone on Facebook offer to pray for someone, you could respond with, “Get off your knees, you jack ass, and do something useful” or “While you’re on your knees, why don’t you do something useful?”However, I would NOT recommend going as far as ripping off Jesus fish and spitting on people wearing sanctimonious t-shirts as either could land you in jail.

I have a few other ideas, but they seem really dangerous and far too painful, but if you wanted I suppose you could, just for 40 days, give up such things as:

• Reason
• Critical thinking
• Humanist ethics
• Science
• Freedom
• Skepticism
• Hating God
• Eating babies
• Worshipping the devil

Oh, the horror!

You know what, since they think we believe in nothing, let’s give up what’s dearest to us all: nothing!