Last week I promised that I would be “sharing” the pamphlets I picked up at the Northwest “Science” Museum. First up is “The Atheist Test.” Fortunately for us, the whole contents of the tract are available online, so I will be quoting much of it here:

The theory of evolution of the Coca Cola can.

Billions of years ago, a big bang produced a large rock. As the rock cooled, sweet brown liquid formed on its surface. As time passed, aluminum formed itself into a can, a lid, and a tab. Millions of years later, red and white paint fell from the sky, and formed itself into the words “Coca Cola 12 fluid ounces.”

Of course, my theory is an insult to your intellect, because you know that if the Coca Cola can is made, there must be a maker. If it is designed, there must be a designer. The alternative, that it happened by chance or accident, is to move into an intellectual free zone.

This is an absurd straw man argument. Gravity pulls matter together which forms stars and planets. Stars produce heavier elements through nuclear fusion, then when they go supernova they spread these elements. Complex hydrocarbons and amino acids have been observed to form from base elements, that’s just simple chemistry. Eventually they formed RNA, DNA, and life. Natural selection takes care of the rest.

They’re off to a rough start…

The banana–the atheist’s nightmare.

Note that the banana:
1. Is shaped for human hand
2. Has non-slip surface
3. Has outward indicators of inward content: Green–too early,
Yellow –just right, Black–too late.
4. Has a tab for removal of wrapper
5. Is perforated on wrapper
6. Bio-degradable wrapper
7. Is shaped for human mouth
8. Has a point at top for ease of entry
9. Is pleasing to taste buds
10. Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy

To say that the banana happened by accident is even more unintelligent than to say that no one designed the Coca Cola can.

The banana is my worst nightmare… I’m allergic to them. They are highly odoriferous (release lots of particulates) so even being around a banana can be problematic for me. The only other atheist I know for whom bananas are a nightmare is my brother who shares my allergy.

On a more serious note, bananas were no accident. They are the product of intellegent design: human controlled artificial selection. People took a bland, starchy fruit and cultivated it into the banana we know today. If anything, the banana and just about every domesticated plant and animal is the creationist’s worst nightmare since it shows the power of evolution. Just look at the variation in dog breeds we’ve created over the last two hundred years.

TEST ONE
The person who thinks the Coca Cola can had no designer is:
___ A. Intelligent
___ B. A fool
___ C. Has an ulterior motive for denying the obvious

What a horrifyingly leading question…

The declaration “There is no God” is what is known as an absolute statement. For an absolute statement to be true, I must have absolute knowledge.

Here is another absolute statement: “There is no gold in China.”

TEST FOUR
What do I need to have for that statement to be true?
A. No knowledge of China.
___ YES ___ NO
B. Partial knowledge of China.
___ YES ___ NO
C. Absolute knowledge of China.
___ YES ___ NO

“C” is the correct answer. For the statement to be true, I must know that there is no gold in 

China, or the statement is incorrect. To say “There is no God,” and to be correct in the statement, I must be omniscient.

I must know how many hairs are upon every head, every thought of every human heart, every detail of history, every atom within every rock…nothing is hidden from my eyes…I know the intimate details of the secret love-life of the fleas on the back of the black cat of Napolean’s great-grandmother. To make the absolute statement “There is no God.” I must have absolute knowledge that there isn’t one.

Let’s say that this circle represents all the knowledge in the entire universe, and let’s assume that you have an incredible 1% of all that knowledge. Is it possible, that in the knowledge you haven’t yet come across, there is ample evidence to prove that God does indeed exist?

If you are reasonable, you will have to say, “Having the limited knowledge that I have at present, I believe that there is no God.” In other words, you don’t know if God exists, so you are not an “atheist,” you are what is commonly known as an “agnostic.” You are like a man who looks at a building, and doesn’t know if there was a builder.