Today at work, yes another work story (I’ve been at work way too much lately), I went into an area where some associates needed my managerial assistance. After I had gone over some paperwork and I was waiting for some more, the song that was playing in the background caught my ear. It sounded very familiar, kind of like Creed, but definitely Christian Rock. The music was making me feel kind of anxious, but after the week I’ve had some anxiety was nothing to be surprised by, so I asked if it was Creed.

“No, it’s not,” was the reply I got.
“So what band is this?”
“Kutless.”

I used to be a big fan of Kutless. I think I’ve even seen them perform live. My mind was all of a sudden flooded with very emotional memories of hypocrisy from times like when I’d be driving home from a preaching appointment listening to their music while feeling like crap for preaching a message I didn’t believe and other fun times of feeling like a hypocrite.

My anxiety levels just shot through the roof…so I said something like “This music is giving me a flashback” and I walked over and turned it off. Actually, it was a iTouch plugged into a radio, so I just unplugged the audio cable.

I started to feel a little better, but I still felt like shit. I now had the worry that my employees would wonder what the hell that was all about (in reality they hardly even noticed). A few minutes later I was able to go over the paperwork I was waiting for and I left to run an errand.

While I was driving around town I was listening to a podcast, but I was so distracted I could barely even catch what they were saying. Finally I stop it and fired up Pandora. The first song that played was “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC…peace and tranquility was finally restored to my world (almost).

Rich Lyons of the Living After Faith podcast has talked a fair amount about his experience with PTSD as a result of his religious baggage. He’s also had quite a bit of contact with others, mostly deconverts from conservative Christian denominations. He has very vivid flashbacks and horrifying nightmares.

I’m fortunate that my experience wasn’t bad enough to produce that. There was definitely some damage, but I certainly don’t have PTSD. Now I know that Christian rock is a trigger for some serious unpleasantness. My flash back, while momentarily traumatic, was far from vivid and I was able finish my shift (an then some).

I just hope that never happens again, at least now I have a very legitimate reason (more than just that it sucks) to ask people to turn off that goddamn Jesus rock.