One of the local groups that I’m apart of is naturalism/science focused with specific discussion topics and members rotating through to present topics and facilitate discussions. At a recent meeting we talked about education. In particular what’s wrong with public schools, why private and charter schools tend to perform better, and how things can be fixed to improve the American educational system to get us back on par with the rest of the developed world. I would like to point out that I didn’t pick the topic or lead the discussion.
I was one of two people out of the group who is a product of private education and the only one who is a product of parochial education (church schools). I spent a total of 15 years in church run schools. One of the great benefits of private schools is that they are much smaller than their state run counterparts. However, this is also results in one of their greatest failures, that is limited options. Resources that would be available in a school with 1200 students just can’t be supported for a mere 120, well unless your charging tens of thousands of dollars in tuition. That’s just the reality of economics.
However, the problem is deeper than that. I was the only nerd in my school growing up, at least out of those in my class. This resulted in extreme social isolation and years of being the victim of bullying. I would even usually eat lunch with the bullies that would relentlessly torment me since the only other option was to eat alone.
While I don’t know for sure if it would have been any better if I had been in a larger school with more students, the probability of me having friends, at least healthy friendships, at a public school would have been much better since the pool of students in my grade would have likely been 10 times the size. There would have undoubtedly been other nerds. Odds are that I could have found friends.
What became even more interesting in the discussion is that we were all social misfits. Granted, I had been the most systematically socially isolated misfit, but we were all misfits none the less.
I wonder how much of this is coincidence. I know that correlation does not equal causation. I also know that I’m looking at a rather small sample size. However, one of the biggest draws that religion has, and really its most powerful holding power, is social. Churches try to be your entire community and social world, often providing numerous services at little or no cost. It’s not a coincidence that religion tries to be all for its members. If you can make people dependent on what you offer they can’t leave.
Skeptically minded people are more likely than most to call bull shit when they see it. It’s rather off putting when you tell a friend or coworker that they’re idiots for buying lottery tickets every week, refuse to get the flu shot because of getting a bad cold two days after their last flu shot (a very unfortunate coincidence), or wasting $40 on a Power Balance wrist band. We hate to see people waste their money put their health at risk, but we can still be real asses.
Atheists are also the ones who failed to be able to experience or maintain the self-delusional relationship with an imaginary friend into adulthood. Out atheists, at least those who used to be religious, were comfortable enough to leave the community they were raised in, even if that was social suicide.
I wonder if the social misfits from childhood are just the ones who have an easier time breaking from religion or if its the same kind of skeptical mind that drives away potential childhood friends, attracts bullies, and demands evidence for claims. Of course I may just be making weak generalizations from a small sample. Any thoughts?
Permalink
I think you may be on to something Dustin. 🙂 Nonetheless you turned out just fine. Skepticism can be a hard thing to be around. I personally am all for the sunny happy optimistic side. Ignorance? Maybe but as they say it can be bliss.
Permalink
I would guess it's the social misfits that have an easier time breaking from their original religion, with a varying degree of skepticism guiding how far from the original they get. For example:
(Dustin, I'll counter your small sample with my own two person sample.) Comparing myself and the friend from Fletcher that I have kept in closest contact with, we were both social misfits but where as I left religion completely he has become a pagan. (I went through my own Wicca/paganism investigation days but it didn't stick. I'm hoping he will eventually complete the transition out.)
@tammierenee: I prefer to avoid the risk of "blissfully" walking off the metaphorical cliff. ;-P
Permalink
Dustin,
I think you are making two points; small schools suck and nerds tend to leave religion, I agree with both.
I once attended a small religious college where almost everyone but me had bin created from the same religious education assembly line and thus had a unbelievable amount of uniformity in there personalities. Having come from a different background I was about 10 standard deviations from the mean which left me the weirdest and loneliest guy on campus. I transferred to a university with 10 times as many students from a broad mix of backgrounds where I as about 2 standard deviations from the mean. That left me with a few hundred people on campus who where weirder than me to be friends with.
Being a nerd is vicious cycle. Nerds tend to think a lot which makes them socially weird, which reduced their time spent with other people which makes them think even more. At the end of the process there is someone who has few social ties to worry about breaking and a lot of their own ideas they want to implement.
For me, leaving a religious community was about as hard as walking out the door of a lunatic asylum where the crazies where throwing garbage at me, and stepping into a community of intellectuals who where all quite pleasant to be with.
BP
Permalink
@BP Considering that I was your RA, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that while you were there you were not much lonelier than I was. The difference is that I created opportunities where people had to interact with me such as sitting with them in the cafeteria, joining clubs, serving on the student senate, working as an RA, etc.
I was heavily involved in extra extracurriculars and refused to eat in my room since that was the only way I would have social interaction.
Permalink
I think you may be on to something Dustin. 🙂 Nonetheless you turned out just fine. Skepticism can be a hard thing to be around. I personally am all for the sunny happy optimistic side. Ignorance? Maybe but as they say it can be bliss.
Permalink
Dustin,
I think you are making two points; small schools suck and nerds tend to leave religion, I agree with both.
I once attended a small religious college where almost everyone but me had bin created from the same religious education assembly line and thus had a unbelievable amount of uniformity in there personalities. Having come from a different background I was about 10 standard deviations from the mean which left me the weirdest and loneliest guy on campus. I transferred to a university with 10 times as many students from a broad mix of backgrounds where I as about 2 standard deviations from the mean. That left me with a few hundred people on campus who where weirder than me to be friends with.
Being a nerd is vicious cycle. Nerds tend to think a lot which makes them socially weird, which reduced their time spent with other people which makes them think even more. At the end of the process there is someone who has few social ties to worry about breaking and a lot of their own ideas they want to implement.
For me, leaving a religious community was about as hard as walking out the door of a lunatic asylum where the crazies where throwing garbage at me, and stepping into a community of intellectuals who where all quite pleasant to be with.
BP