A few weeks ago I was talking on the phone with a college buddy. We’d studied theology together and he’s currently wrapping up his M.Div. The conversation was very good, it started out with just catching up on the last few years, but then we covered my transition to atheism and he took advantage of the opportunity to see into the mind of a non-believer. There were, however, a few questions that I had trouble answering.
“So you’re heart’s not closed to God, right?”
What’s that even mean? Of course I know what it means, but I couldn’t make sense of it. It would be like if somebody asked me if I loved my wife, I don’t have one and never have so the answer isn’t no, it’s not yes, it’s not applicable. How can you’re “heart” be closed to something that isn’t there? Unfortunately he wouldn’t drop it, but eventually I just had to say that the question doesn’t make since to me where I am in life and I can’t answer it.
“Is it already if I pray for you?”
I used to just tell me to go for it. Lately I’ve been struggling with how to respond, often with an “I don’t care.” This time I decided to quote the great Christopher Hitchens, “You can talk to yourself until you’re blue in the face for all I care.” Next time someone asks me that I’ll probably say, “If that will make you feel better, then go right ahead.” It doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t want people to waste their time praying for me, so if they’re going to it’s their right and it’s for them, not for me. But when it comes down to it, I don’t care.
“God bless you”
Yesterday in a meeting at work I sneezed. I hate sneezing, especially at work, mostly because of people’s responses. I had at least two people say the polite, “God bless you.” As usual I just ignored it, but I really wanted to say, “No thanks.” I really have to try it in the appropriate time and place, does that make me an ass?
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"So you're heart's not closed to God, right?" is a particularity annoying question to answer. It is impossible to have a logical debate when the terminology of the argument assumes something illogical. Next time you are asked that you could try a reply along the lines of "my heart is closed to god, but it is open to the flying spaghetti monster, even though he may not be real." This reply switches all of the illogical tools your opponent was planning to use on you to your advantage. This strategy also works on people who try to convince you that the earth is 6000 years old, just spew out some skewed real science that supports a 100 year old planet. For example, even though the polar ice caps have 100,000 annual layers we know that …junk science… could explain that and thus the earth is 100 years old.
What is your problem with "god bless"? Silly statements affirming an imaginary man in the sky are far to funny to not be used. Next time someone says "god bless you" insert "may the great and glorious flying spaghetti monster think you are cool" into the remainder of their sentence. Then sit back and enjoy a good chuckle at the expense of the fool who actually believes in such figments of the imagination.
BP
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I'm a police officer and an atheist. I was parked outside a church one day and a guy comes out, approaches me, and says, "I just want to say to you, God bless you for what you do!" I replied "No, thank you" immediately regretting I had done so while in uniform. The quizzical look on his face was priceless though. After recovering, he said, "No… I was saying God bless you." Realizing I had to recover to avoid a complaint, I just replied "Thank you." I'd reply the same way again, just not on duty.
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BP – Thanks I now finally understand the value of the FSM meme. Unfortunately it wouldn't be appropriate for me to utilize in my position at work.
Jason – We're on the same page. The reason I held back from that response and the reason you regret using that response at work is that we are both in positions of power. I'm the assistant manager in a facility with about 60 employees, at that meeting I was the ranking person in the room, but I know there was one other non-theist there. It is a very strange experience to be left powerless by being in a position of power.
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"So you're heart's not closed to God, right?" is a particularity annoying question to answer. It is impossible to have a logical debate when the terminology of the argument assumes something illogical. Next time you are asked that you could try a reply along the lines of "my heart is closed to god, but it is open to the flying spaghetti monster, even though he may not be real." This reply switches all of the illogical tools your opponent was planning to use on you to your advantage. This strategy also works on people who try to convince you that the earth is 6000 years old, just spew out some skewed real science that supports a 100 year old planet. For example, even though the polar ice caps have 100,000 annual layers we know that …junk science… could explain that and thus the earth is 100 years old.
What is your problem with "god bless"? Silly statements affirming an imaginary man in the sky are far to funny to not be used. Next time someone says "god bless you" insert "may the great and glorious flying spaghetti monster think you are cool" into the remainder of their sentence. Then sit back and enjoy a good chuckle at the expense of the fool who actually believes in such figments of the imagination.
BP
Permalink
"So you're heart's not closed to God, right?" is a particularity annoying question to answer. It is impossible to have a logical debate when the terminology of the argument assumes something illogical. Next time you are asked that you could try a reply along the lines of "my heart is closed to god, but it is open to the flying spaghetti monster, even though he may not be real." This reply switches all of the illogical tools your opponent was planning to use on you to your advantage. This strategy also works on people who try to convince you that the earth is 6000 years old, just spew out some skewed real science that supports a 100 year old planet. For example, even though the polar ice caps have 100,000 annual layers we know that …junk science… could explain that and thus the earth is 100 years old.
What is your problem with "god bless"? Silly statements affirming an imaginary man in the sky are far to funny to not be used. Next time someone says "god bless you" insert "may the great and glorious flying spaghetti monster think you are cool" into the remainder of their sentence. Then sit back and enjoy a good chuckle at the expense of the fool who actually believes in such figments of the imagination.
BP