Time for a story…This takes us back to the first weekend of April 2006. I had been asked a few months before to preach for a Pathfinder (Adventist version of Boy Scouts) weekend teen rock climbing trip. There were a few other college students going to help with various other aspects of the trip. I spoke three times, Sabbath morning, Saturday evening, and Sunday morning. I just looked at my sermon notes…three sermons on faith…

Towards the end of the day of rock climbing a repel was set up for the adults. I had repelled 40 and 60 foot walls a few times at Ft. Lewis and the La Grande National Guard Armory, so I was definitely down with it. This one was quite a bit different, 200 feet down a cliff.

I started backing down and as the rock curved down and I had to gradually shift my weight to the rope. Then there was about 40 feet of pretty standard repelling down the face of the cliff. It got a bit scarier when the wall started moving away, getting as far as 30 feet away and staying there for about 80 feet. So I was just hanging there for a little bit. I made the mistake of looking down 120 feet at the ground with a 60 foot tall tree looking like it might get in my way. There was nothing but rope within 30 feet of me. Oh yeah, lets add in the fact that no one was belaying me. If I just let go I would be stuck hanging there with a safety rope very tight and hard to loosen so I could move on again. Also, due to this safety system I had to go very slow to keep from burning through the rope.

With all of this was going through my head I got a little nervous. So I decided to pray. It went something like, “God, if you exist, which I’m not sure of, and if you’re the type that listens to prayers, which I highly doubt…If you’re out there, please help me get through this.” Obviously that did nothing to help clam my nerves, but it did have the effect of making me feel like a hypocritical piece of shit.

For the six weeks up to this point the only prayers I had said were public prayers that were expected of me as dorm chaplain or with preaching engagements. I was a senior theology major, a ministerial candidate, the dorm chaplain, and here I was preaching to some teens about faith.

The more I think about it, I can’t believe I enrolled in the seminary a few months later, but a few days later I read ahead in a text book and found just enough to be able to put my doubts on the back burner and resume my faith.

The power of the human mind to compartmentalize such a high degree of cognitive dissonance is astounding.