So, you’ve gone through the doubt process, lost your faith, and now your a freethinker…what’s next?
Be open about who you are. If you don’t believe in God, don’t be shy about it. When I was in my deist phase (the interlude between Christian and atheist), I had a coworker who told me she was a Pastafarian. I knew nothing of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster then, if I did, or if she had simply identified as an atheist, it would have helped me immensely with my loss of faith. While I knew she wasn’t serious, it didn’t tell me anything. So do others a favor and be open.
Don’t go over board. Changes in your life might not seem big to you since they’ve been working their way through your head for quite some time, but to others it might seem like you’ve had an aneurism. For me it was drinking and smoking cigars around family a month after quitting the seminary that shocked them. If you want people to think you’re rational, which you obviously are since you’ve abandoned your delusions, then ease them in to getting to know the real you. If you’re more like me you can just explain to them the lengthy process, but sometimes you just wont want to go through that.
Don’t throw out your entire moral code. Hang onto it for existential and pragmatic reasons while you work through the details. On the other hand, DO NOT hang onto it forever, put into the work and find out how you should live your life, this time for some actual good reasons.
Odds are that your religion resulted in some skewed concepts on science or history, so brush up on topics that are lacking. If you’re not up to speed on evolution, then read up on it, it really is fun. At the very least, watching Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series should be mandatory for all new non-theists.
Find community. Losing your faith is hard enough, but its even worse if you’re social group was bound up in your church. Avoid getting too lonely by listening to atheist podcasts, joining in discussions on atheist blogs, joining AtheistNexus, and finding a local atheist/freethinking group on Meetup.com. If you’re in the Treasure Valley (Boise area) I recommend the West Valley Freethinkers, although I’m a little biased as I am one of the group’s co-organizers.
Quit your old church. If you don’t believe anymore then they don’t deserve to be able to claim you as a number. SO QUIT! Don’t wait for them to drop you off the books because you’ll get fed up with throwing away church magazines long before they do. If you’re an Adventist or part of a similarly structured group, then all you have to do is send an email or letter to the church clerk, secretary, or pastor where you hold your membership and resign, but be sure to get followup confirmation that your request was honored. You can go into details if you want, but you don’t have to.
If you’re a Catholic that’s going to be harder to quit since they have stopped accepting defections, so I guess you’ll have to do something drastic to get excommunicated. Some ideas that come to mind would be to go to a Catholic mass and desecrate the host in front of everybody while shouting that you renounce Christ and his church and that the pope is a Nazi. Beyond that you might be stuck making an effigy of the pope from smuggled host then burning it at the Vatican
Finally, and most importantly, come out as an atheist. I’ve already covered this, so check out my “Guide to Coming Out” in the archives.
Sunday we’ll cover how to come out to family, including your parents. Since I’ll be at a family gathering this weekend, I may even try to get some input from my parents on the matter.
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Dustin,
What is the point of coming out to family if that family will not accept the reasons for your disbelief and will experience a lot of emotional torment over the idea of you being an atheist.
As an example, I will describe something that most people will find disturbing and then ask you why I should come out about this topic to my family and friends. When I go winter mountaineering I urinate in my water bottles in the tent at night so as to avoid having to spend 20 minuets putting on and removing clothing to go outside to urinate. There you have it, I have come out to you as a water bottle pisser. I know logically that this can have no adverse effects on my health and therefore I do it frequently. However, I don't tell very many people about it because they would get totally grossed out by it and possibly not want to talk to me again. Therefor, I choose to not come out about my water bottle urinating ways.
Likewise, I am a non-believer for logical reasons. However, I choose to not come out about it too my family because, I don't want to disturb and be rejected by them. Furthermore, I don't know what I would be accomplishing by telling my family that I am an atheist. Furthermore, there can be serious ramifications to telling people that you are among the least trusted group in society (that's atheists.)
Anonymous coward
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Coward,
That's a great question and the topic of Sunday's blog post.
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I came out and told my family I'm an Atheist several years ago. It was the best and worst decision of my life. In the end, I'd rather live my life by my standards, not theirs. I became an Atheist because I value truth and intellectual honesty. This is why I choose to not lie to my family about my non- belief. I carry my values to every corner of my life regardless of the consequences.
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Anthony,
I can relate. For me leaving Christianity, admitting to my parent's I wasn't a Christian, admitting to myself I was an atheist, and admitting to my parents I was an atheist was all driven by integrity.
In your case your parents know who you are, don't ever think that's a bad idea. It was the best decision you ever made.
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Dustin,
What is the point of coming out to family if that family will not accept the reasons for your disbelief and will experience a lot of emotional torment over the idea of you being an atheist.
As an example, I will describe something that most people will find disturbing and then ask you why I should come out about this topic to my family and friends. When I go winter mountaineering I urinate in my water bottles in the tent at night so as to avoid having to spend 20 minuets putting on and removing clothing to go outside to urinate. There you have it, I have come out to you as a water bottle pisser. I know logically that this can have no adverse effects on my health and therefore I do it frequently. However, I don't tell very many people about it because they would get totally grossed out by it and possibly not want to talk to me again. Therefor, I choose to not come out about my water bottle urinating ways.
Likewise, I am a non-believer for logical reasons. However, I choose to not come out about it too my family because, I don't want to disturb and be rejected by them. Furthermore, I don't know what I would be accomplishing by telling my family that I am an atheist. Furthermore, there can be serious ramifications to telling people that you are among the least trusted group in society (that's atheists.)
Anonymous coward